“I would rather cry in a BMW than smile on the back of my boyfriend’s bicycle,” said Ma Nuo, a modern Chinese woman who has infamously become the quintessential “bai jin nu,” or gold-digger. She does not want to marry for love; she wants her future husband to have money, period. Are all modern Chinese women gold diggers?
If one would judge the situation only on the basis of the pre-requisite of a owning a house, and sometimes even a car, that many women state on their profiles on many dating websites, then it would seem to be the case. Some of these stipulations even specify how old the house must be and the type of car these women want their potential husband to be driving. Such demands do support the growing reputation of modern Chinese women as being too materialistic.
What the rest of the world does not immediately see, of course, are the intense pressures under which these women find themselves. Their society and traditions dictate that they find husbands who can provide them with financial security and a comfortable life; Chinese society and traditions require a house, and sometimes even a car, to come with the marriage package if any man is to be considered husband-worthy.
Advertising executive, Wei Na, from Beijing, said in a 2010 Los Angeles Times article, “My parents think it’s important…. They would rather I marry someone who owns his own property.” She added that most women in China would feel safer “if a man has his own place.” [Source: David Pierson, Los Angeles Times, June 21, 2010]
What is ironic is the fact that many modern women of China are, themselves, successful and financially stable. At the same time, expectations to play traditional gender roles, with women being homemakers and men being breadwinners, still persist in modern Chinese society. These circumstances certainly paint an unfair and a ridiculous picture, with modern women having the financial capability to live comfortably (and contribute to the financial stability of a marriage) giving up the said stability and at the same time demanding security and a certain standard of living from a potential husband.
With the concept of “face” also playing a major role in the complicated workings of Chinese society, it was inevitable that the current environment of economic prosperity would significantly influence and encourage the rise in expectations for men to acquire material wealth and successes and for their wives and families to enjoy these. Given that some of the successful and independent modern women of China are also expected to give up their achievements and ambitions once they are married, they would, of course, require a life mate who can sustain or exceed the status they have attained on their own in order not to “lose face.” At the same time, the men can only “gain face” if they can provide the lifestyle that their potential mates have gotten accustomed to; and one way that a man can avoid “losing face” is by choosing a wife with lesser qualifications than he has and who would, naturally, have lower expectations.
Love and marriage are complicated enough without traditions, societal expectations, and the concept of “face” also getting added to the equation. Sooner or later, however, China will find the right balance between modern ideas and traditional attitudes, the fulfillment of societal obligations and individual needs, and real appreciation of one’s worth and the value of “face.” In the meantime, single men and women in China will continue to struggle in their quest for the elusive, ideal life mate. If these struggles would help bring about the right balance in modern Chinese society, then they would not be for naught.
Are modern Chinese women gold diggers? The answer is not as simple as “Yes” or “No.” Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and dating in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese.
ChinaLoveMatch.net 